When I first started this blog, it was a way to document my pregnancy with Maura and keep people in my life who didn't see us often up-to-date with what was happening. When she was born, I wanted to keep it up and open so that people could enjoy her and the wonderful lady she was becoming. It instead turned into a great vehicle for me to talk about my post-partum issues without fear of judgement or criticism, since I was basically writing into some vapid space. I got to write again, about things I cared about. But now, pregnant again, I'm having a change of heart.
I'm just not cut out for as much openness anymore. This time around, I'm more protective, more attuned to the need to have things of my own that only I think and feel and experience. I've always been an open person, because honestly, there's nothing new under the sun, and I've always felt like hearing the reality of other people's lives has helped me with my own. I am learning to take comfort in the fact that the people that I love know I love them, and that if anything were newsworthy in some way, I would tell them personally. And I've decided that much of my life, apart from the amazing goodness of things that happen with Maura and will happen with our next child, is not going to be shared in the same way. I see now the beauty of keeping between you and your spouse and the four walls you live in the things that are deepest in you.
Through silence and through comments, I've gotten a lot of support on here, and I appreciate that so much. It's been nice for me to imagine who might be on the other end of this, reading about me and us and putting us in their good thoughts, even if just for a moment. As I've said so many times, I'm such a lucky girl that I have this life.
I'm going to keep updating the blog weekly as I have (or as I've tried to) as a place to check-in about Maura and our son (yes! it's a boy!) and keep our family and friends up-to-date. I don't know why I feel the need to say anything more about why I won't be writing quite as personally, but I guess because I have gotten lots of great support I feel like it's the most gracious thing to do.
So, to you three readers, merry christmas and happy new year. See you on the flip side.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
a very long week and a half
It started last Tuesday, with an appointment at an orthopedist for Maura. I was almost sick with worry before the appointment. It's a very long story, but the bottom line is that she has been having some challenges standing and walking and we sought out early intervention services at the advice of our pediatrician. EI evaluated her, quickly determined (a little to quickly for our taste) that she was 7 months delayed in her gross motor skills, and sent us panicked off to a brace clinic to meet with a PT about orthotics for her feet. The brace clinic recommended the orthotics, but they weren't like little cookies for your shoes like I thought they would be. They were like full-on braces that came up her above her ankle from her toes, white hard plastic things like a walking cast that they wanted her to wear for 9 months every moment she was awake. To the tune of $1500 (which thankfully we found out insurance would cover). We walked out a little stunned and skeptical. Two days later at our pediatrician, we expressed the same and sent us to this pediatric orthopedist at MGH, some big wig. After we finally made it there Tuesday after 2 hours of traffic, Maura was a mess and didn't want to cooperate but they x-rayed her legs and pelvis and found there were no skeletal issues and recommended that we give it more time until we did anything to intervene, that at not even 16 months, she was far from his estimation of delayed and that EI was basically taking us for a ride.
We were relieved, and pissed. Although it was comforting to have a specialist determine that although he could see the issues with her feet and pronation we weren't going to do the braces, we had to lug all over creation because EI essentially wanted us to sign-up for services. So right now we're just taking it day by day and I feel confident that she'll walk when she's damn well good and ready.
Then Wednesday, we had an awful snow storm, and Jay's car had been having lots of problems, starting and not starting, getting jumped and working and then not just hours later. Anyway, I took the piece of shit to work because I wanted Jay to have the good car to take Maura to yet another doctor's appointment, but he ended up not going in the snow. Needless to say, I was pissed and stressed I wouldn't even make it home from work. After a tense night, I left for work Thursday morning as usual and got a call at 10 a.m.
"Baby, don't panic, but we've been in a car accident."
I almost died. I started to panic, of course, barely hearing what he was telling me. On top of everything else, my cell phone had not been working, so I got what I could about how he and Maura were doing and then left panicked even more that they wouldn't be able to reach me on my drive home.
The ride home is a bit of a blur, but I did reach Jay and he reassured me everyone was fine. Someone ran a red light and he hit her at about 30 miles an hour, trying hard to brake and avoid her. There were witnesses, the car seat did its job and kept Maura safe, and although Jay was so ready to get out and tear into the other driver, he did the best he could to take care of Maura and be sure she was ok and not scared getting checked out by the paramedics and cops. Luckily, the cop that showed up first was a girl Jay went to high school with, who then called for my brother-in-law's best freind and our friend, who is also a cop in town. By the time I reached the area, Jay's brother had picked them up at the scene and brought them home.
It's hard to even describe the mix of relief and terror I felt when I got home and saw them both and Maura looked up at me and said "Hi!" This time last year I was severely depressed, convinced that Jay and Maura were going to die, or that I was going to die. Back then I had plans for how I was going to try to avoid that, ways I was going to negotiate with whoever was going to kill us, get them to just kill me and spare Maura. As twisted as it was, I thought I was in control of those things then because I had a plan. This was totally something I could do nothing about. And I had to trust that Jay had done what he could to protect her and take care of her. It was a very difficult day for all of us.
In the end, everyone is just fine, and there is a silver lining. The car was totaled, and we got an insurance settlement that will allow us to pay off my car and put a down payment on another. It's not an ideal time for us to buy another car, but its the best case scenario out of a really terrifying situation. And we're buying the safest car we possibly can afford. I don't care but it's having no less than 9 airbags.
After a full weekend of feeling both terrified still and very, very grateful, this week is off to a better start, and we're back to gearing up for Christmas. We got a tree. And we find out soon whether we're having a boy or girl, which we'll learn next Wednesday. I'm such a mix of nervous and anxious and excited I'm having trouble sleeping. And I keep biting my nails. And eating brownies for breakfast. And I've gotten a big stress zit. Ahh, wonderful. No really, how could it not be, despite everything else, when I look at my lady bird and pause and realize how amazing it is that I got to be the lucky one to be her mom and am lucky enough to be doing it all again?
We were relieved, and pissed. Although it was comforting to have a specialist determine that although he could see the issues with her feet and pronation we weren't going to do the braces, we had to lug all over creation because EI essentially wanted us to sign-up for services. So right now we're just taking it day by day and I feel confident that she'll walk when she's damn well good and ready.
Then Wednesday, we had an awful snow storm, and Jay's car had been having lots of problems, starting and not starting, getting jumped and working and then not just hours later. Anyway, I took the piece of shit to work because I wanted Jay to have the good car to take Maura to yet another doctor's appointment, but he ended up not going in the snow. Needless to say, I was pissed and stressed I wouldn't even make it home from work. After a tense night, I left for work Thursday morning as usual and got a call at 10 a.m.
"Baby, don't panic, but we've been in a car accident."
I almost died. I started to panic, of course, barely hearing what he was telling me. On top of everything else, my cell phone had not been working, so I got what I could about how he and Maura were doing and then left panicked even more that they wouldn't be able to reach me on my drive home.
The ride home is a bit of a blur, but I did reach Jay and he reassured me everyone was fine. Someone ran a red light and he hit her at about 30 miles an hour, trying hard to brake and avoid her. There were witnesses, the car seat did its job and kept Maura safe, and although Jay was so ready to get out and tear into the other driver, he did the best he could to take care of Maura and be sure she was ok and not scared getting checked out by the paramedics and cops. Luckily, the cop that showed up first was a girl Jay went to high school with, who then called for my brother-in-law's best freind and our friend, who is also a cop in town. By the time I reached the area, Jay's brother had picked them up at the scene and brought them home.
It's hard to even describe the mix of relief and terror I felt when I got home and saw them both and Maura looked up at me and said "Hi!" This time last year I was severely depressed, convinced that Jay and Maura were going to die, or that I was going to die. Back then I had plans for how I was going to try to avoid that, ways I was going to negotiate with whoever was going to kill us, get them to just kill me and spare Maura. As twisted as it was, I thought I was in control of those things then because I had a plan. This was totally something I could do nothing about. And I had to trust that Jay had done what he could to protect her and take care of her. It was a very difficult day for all of us.
In the end, everyone is just fine, and there is a silver lining. The car was totaled, and we got an insurance settlement that will allow us to pay off my car and put a down payment on another. It's not an ideal time for us to buy another car, but its the best case scenario out of a really terrifying situation. And we're buying the safest car we possibly can afford. I don't care but it's having no less than 9 airbags.
After a full weekend of feeling both terrified still and very, very grateful, this week is off to a better start, and we're back to gearing up for Christmas. We got a tree. And we find out soon whether we're having a boy or girl, which we'll learn next Wednesday. I'm such a mix of nervous and anxious and excited I'm having trouble sleeping. And I keep biting my nails. And eating brownies for breakfast. And I've gotten a big stress zit. Ahh, wonderful. No really, how could it not be, despite everything else, when I look at my lady bird and pause and realize how amazing it is that I got to be the lucky one to be her mom and am lucky enough to be doing it all again?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
so.tired.
This will be a short post. I should put it in bullets. This is about all I can manage today.
It's not odd to be tired and pregnant, I just get more and more surprised day after day how this pregnancy has so many more exaggerated symptoms. All day today, and many days so far, I feel like I'm so short of breath that my heart is trying to will it self to pump harder and harder all the way up in my throat. And then I get even more short of breath, because my chest and throat feel so full. And the headaches are killer, and I never get headaches. Not complaining, more observing. It's all so fascinating to me, how aware of your body you become while you grow another. In your enormous belly.
So many things running through my brain these days, probably contributing to my tiredness. Always the struggle to decide if the best use of our money is for me to take off a full maternity leave. We spend so much money on so much shit we don't need and don't need to be doing, all in the name of making everyone else happy or getting a quick moment of damn, I deserve a treat and now I've got it and I feel...like shit. Not better. And time to heal and bond and frankly, get a fucking break from the work I've been doing non-stop since I was 15, should be worth it. But we could use the money to pay off bills, get our fence, fix the pipe, take a vacation. Yet all I really want, at the end of the day, is time to spend with my husband and my babies. Get my body back. Get my hair highlighted and spend a day cuddled on the beach under an umbrella with my baby. Yet it seems like a lot of time to take unpaid and is it a good use of tax money and blah, blah, blah. I'll figure it out.
I'm starting to get anxious (in a good way) for Christmas. Plus, Love Actually is On Demand from now until Christmas and I can watch it whenever I want and cry my eyes out like I usually do when I watch it. Best.Holiday.Movie.Ever.
Maura was excited, too, for a half second, when I pulled out the lights to attempt some kind of artistic photo for our Christmas cards (my other recent obsession). Then, she was out. As am I. I don't care if it's 7:30. I'm going to bed.
It's not odd to be tired and pregnant, I just get more and more surprised day after day how this pregnancy has so many more exaggerated symptoms. All day today, and many days so far, I feel like I'm so short of breath that my heart is trying to will it self to pump harder and harder all the way up in my throat. And then I get even more short of breath, because my chest and throat feel so full. And the headaches are killer, and I never get headaches. Not complaining, more observing. It's all so fascinating to me, how aware of your body you become while you grow another. In your enormous belly.
So many things running through my brain these days, probably contributing to my tiredness. Always the struggle to decide if the best use of our money is for me to take off a full maternity leave. We spend so much money on so much shit we don't need and don't need to be doing, all in the name of making everyone else happy or getting a quick moment of damn, I deserve a treat and now I've got it and I feel...like shit. Not better. And time to heal and bond and frankly, get a fucking break from the work I've been doing non-stop since I was 15, should be worth it. But we could use the money to pay off bills, get our fence, fix the pipe, take a vacation. Yet all I really want, at the end of the day, is time to spend with my husband and my babies. Get my body back. Get my hair highlighted and spend a day cuddled on the beach under an umbrella with my baby. Yet it seems like a lot of time to take unpaid and is it a good use of tax money and blah, blah, blah. I'll figure it out.I'm starting to get anxious (in a good way) for Christmas. Plus, Love Actually is On Demand from now until Christmas and I can watch it whenever I want and cry my eyes out like I usually do when I watch it. Best.Holiday.Movie.Ever.
Maura was excited, too, for a half second, when I pulled out the lights to attempt some kind of artistic photo for our Christmas cards (my other recent obsession). Then, she was out. As am I. I don't care if it's 7:30. I'm going to bed.
Monday, November 23, 2009
13 weeks or so
Happy second tri and Happy Thanksgiving!
It's been 10 days of almost non-stop appointments, for both me and for Maura. Last week I met with a perinatologist who will be following me with monthly ultrasounds for the remainder of the pregnancy to try to head off any complications related to IUGR. I learned a lot from her; namely, that there's not much you can do to reverse the IUGR once it's detected. Bed rest is shown to work only anecdotaly, and there are no medications you can give to "grow" a baby. If it happens, you almost always deliver early, and that's about the best they can do. She was concerned that I may have an underlying blood clotting disorder that may have caused the IUGR; I was tested and just today found out I don't have one, which is good news. However, that still leaves us back to square one with knowing what caused Maura's IUGR, and that knowledge would be useful in preventing it again, but I'm confident I'm in good hands and that things will work out. Antoher huge bonus is that I'll get 3D ultrasounds from now on, which is totally spooky and cool. Here's one from last week: it's kind of hard to tell, but this is a head-on shot of the baby with its hands covering its face. Can you tell?
We found out I'm measuring 4 or so days ahead (pretty significant in the prenatal world), which hopefully means the baby is thriving. They didn't adjust my due date, but may later. We get to find out the gender on December 23 -- what a great Christmas present. We may have to run out a get a little something for him or her to have for this "first" Christmas. I had another appointment today with my regular OB, and things are still looking good. Shockingly down another 3 lbs. (for a grand total of 8 lbs. down since I found out I was pregnant). Jay says it's because I'm not drinking (really, like I drank 8 lbs. worth of alcohol in the average 9 weeks? I don't think so.) I'm trying to be happy about it, as this may help prolong the stage of total bloat and ugliness that is sure to come in the next few months.
Maybe I spoke too soon -- here's a dreadful picture of me from last weekend, at 13 weeks (or almost 14). Either way, I look like a tank. I just spent two long days painting trim. Hey, at least I showered for ya.
I really, truly am bigger than I was with Maura at 20 or so weeks. Oh, well, at least at this stage I look visibly pregnant and not just fat, which was the case with Maura for a while.
She had her pedi appointment today, and at 15 months is 19.5 lbs and 29 inches, which is about the 8th percentile for weight and the 12th or so for height. She wasn't her usual charming self today, probably because she's getting so many vaccines and shots these past few times she's been there she knows what evil plans those people have in store for her. She's having some developmental delays with her gross motor skills, which we've known about and been working on for a while and anticipated since birth given her IUGR, and our pediatrician was great today giving us good advice and referrals and easing our minds a bit. She's still perfect to us and we don't want anyone to treat her differently, so we're trying to maintain a low-profile about it all.
She's still our happy girl.
Who gets into everything.
And is starting to get a bit of an attitude.
I'm trying to work on getting her out and about a bit more, into a playgroup or at least attending a library group of taking swimming lessons or something. The other downside to our current arrangement (although there are many pluses) is that by the time you factor in her two naps and Jay getting ready for work and meals and walking the dog, there's not a whole lot of chunks of time available to go anywhere besides a quick trip to the grocery store. But that means her only stimulation for the day comes from Jay and then me in the evenings, which isn't good. She's great with other babies and she needs friends and time to socialize. It will help her developmentally. Jay's not what one would call a joiner, but it's getting to the point where it has to be done. As much as we want her all to ourselves, and as easy as it is to just stay home, she's got to get out and about. It's well past time.
I hope everyone has a safe and relaxing day tomorrow. I'll check-in again next week.
It's been 10 days of almost non-stop appointments, for both me and for Maura. Last week I met with a perinatologist who will be following me with monthly ultrasounds for the remainder of the pregnancy to try to head off any complications related to IUGR. I learned a lot from her; namely, that there's not much you can do to reverse the IUGR once it's detected. Bed rest is shown to work only anecdotaly, and there are no medications you can give to "grow" a baby. If it happens, you almost always deliver early, and that's about the best they can do. She was concerned that I may have an underlying blood clotting disorder that may have caused the IUGR; I was tested and just today found out I don't have one, which is good news. However, that still leaves us back to square one with knowing what caused Maura's IUGR, and that knowledge would be useful in preventing it again, but I'm confident I'm in good hands and that things will work out. Antoher huge bonus is that I'll get 3D ultrasounds from now on, which is totally spooky and cool. Here's one from last week: it's kind of hard to tell, but this is a head-on shot of the baby with its hands covering its face. Can you tell?
We found out I'm measuring 4 or so days ahead (pretty significant in the prenatal world), which hopefully means the baby is thriving. They didn't adjust my due date, but may later. We get to find out the gender on December 23 -- what a great Christmas present. We may have to run out a get a little something for him or her to have for this "first" Christmas. I had another appointment today with my regular OB, and things are still looking good. Shockingly down another 3 lbs. (for a grand total of 8 lbs. down since I found out I was pregnant). Jay says it's because I'm not drinking (really, like I drank 8 lbs. worth of alcohol in the average 9 weeks? I don't think so.) I'm trying to be happy about it, as this may help prolong the stage of total bloat and ugliness that is sure to come in the next few months.
Maybe I spoke too soon -- here's a dreadful picture of me from last weekend, at 13 weeks (or almost 14). Either way, I look like a tank. I just spent two long days painting trim. Hey, at least I showered for ya.
I really, truly am bigger than I was with Maura at 20 or so weeks. Oh, well, at least at this stage I look visibly pregnant and not just fat, which was the case with Maura for a while.She had her pedi appointment today, and at 15 months is 19.5 lbs and 29 inches, which is about the 8th percentile for weight and the 12th or so for height. She wasn't her usual charming self today, probably because she's getting so many vaccines and shots these past few times she's been there she knows what evil plans those people have in store for her. She's having some developmental delays with her gross motor skills, which we've known about and been working on for a while and anticipated since birth given her IUGR, and our pediatrician was great today giving us good advice and referrals and easing our minds a bit. She's still perfect to us and we don't want anyone to treat her differently, so we're trying to maintain a low-profile about it all.
She's still our happy girl.
Who gets into everything.
And is starting to get a bit of an attitude.
I'm trying to work on getting her out and about a bit more, into a playgroup or at least attending a library group of taking swimming lessons or something. The other downside to our current arrangement (although there are many pluses) is that by the time you factor in her two naps and Jay getting ready for work and meals and walking the dog, there's not a whole lot of chunks of time available to go anywhere besides a quick trip to the grocery store. But that means her only stimulation for the day comes from Jay and then me in the evenings, which isn't good. She's great with other babies and she needs friends and time to socialize. It will help her developmentally. Jay's not what one would call a joiner, but it's getting to the point where it has to be done. As much as we want her all to ourselves, and as easy as it is to just stay home, she's got to get out and about. It's well past time.I hope everyone has a safe and relaxing day tomorrow. I'll check-in again next week.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
we've got some news!
We're having another baby! We found out in September that baby number two will be here on or around May 30, Jay's birthday. To those that see me in real life, this is not news, because at five weeks pregnant (honestly, 7 days after I peed on the damn stick) this is what my belly looked like:
No lie. 5 weeks pregnant. Not that I was super flat in the tummy area after Maura was born, but a high round belly? It's like my body got a zap of the hormones and said, "Come on, let's make a giant mansion for the seedling to live in!" Since then, it's only gotten bigger. Honestly, here was me yesterday, at exactly 12 weeks:
For comparison, this was me at 19 weeks with Maura:
Two things I notice here: 1). Damn, I'm huge. 2). The long hair thing isn't working for me.
It's the same in some ways as it was with Maura: I haven't gained any weight. Actually lost a couple of pounds. OK, that's just one way. Everything else is different. It's so much harder the second time around. I was so nauseous for weeks and just beyond exhausted. I'd forgotten how that felt, although it was so much worse this time around. With the second one, you just have no time to relax. Tired when I get home from work? Too bad! Want to sleep in? Too bad! And the anxiety? Just as bad as the first time around. I had to tell work at about 10 weeks because it was getting impossible to hide, and part of me thought, "This is too soon." But I had no choice, really. And everything so far has been fine -- we've had two ultrasounds where the peach looks perfect, and we have our NT scan on Wednesday to test for Down's and other chromosomal abnormalities and I'm excited to see it again and feel that sense of relief that always comes with watching the squirming T-Rex on the screen.
Last time Jay got to come to all my appointments with me, and he hasn't been able to come to even one yet. It's just too tough to make it work with Maura. I miss that sense of newness and anticipation that came with being pregnant with your first, but I feel so much more confident as a parent now that I think the second baby will benefit greatly. And now we know what to anticipate with this pregnancy, delivery and the aftermath. There's a reasonable chance (25 - 40%) that this baby will also have IUGR, as Maura did. They are watching me closely, and if they see signs, they will take immediate action instead of having it go undetected for as long as it did with Maura. I'm also desperately hoping to avoid the post-partum depression, which totally wrecked me for a long time, so we've decided that come hell or high water (given I'll only have about 4 weeks of leave saved up), I'm taking a full, normal 12 weeks off of work for maternity leave, which is basically the whole summer. Going back at 6 weeks with Maura was not a good idea, and I think is primarily what contributed to the depression. I don't want to put myself through that torture again, but more importantly, I don't want to put Jay, Maura and this little one through it.
Overall, I'm happy to finally be feeling better (off to paint some trim!) and that this time around, we have a house of our own, a room for the baby that we can paint any color we want, a job that is stable and supportive and a healthy baby girl and a great husband. I have no doubt there will be some stumbling blocks and drama along the way this time, just like there was last time, but I just feel really lucky that I have the chance to even go through this again. Even if I'll miss the best seasons for good beer and Bailey's.
No lie. 5 weeks pregnant. Not that I was super flat in the tummy area after Maura was born, but a high round belly? It's like my body got a zap of the hormones and said, "Come on, let's make a giant mansion for the seedling to live in!" Since then, it's only gotten bigger. Honestly, here was me yesterday, at exactly 12 weeks:
For comparison, this was me at 19 weeks with Maura:
Two things I notice here: 1). Damn, I'm huge. 2). The long hair thing isn't working for me.It's the same in some ways as it was with Maura: I haven't gained any weight. Actually lost a couple of pounds. OK, that's just one way. Everything else is different. It's so much harder the second time around. I was so nauseous for weeks and just beyond exhausted. I'd forgotten how that felt, although it was so much worse this time around. With the second one, you just have no time to relax. Tired when I get home from work? Too bad! Want to sleep in? Too bad! And the anxiety? Just as bad as the first time around. I had to tell work at about 10 weeks because it was getting impossible to hide, and part of me thought, "This is too soon." But I had no choice, really. And everything so far has been fine -- we've had two ultrasounds where the peach looks perfect, and we have our NT scan on Wednesday to test for Down's and other chromosomal abnormalities and I'm excited to see it again and feel that sense of relief that always comes with watching the squirming T-Rex on the screen.
Last time Jay got to come to all my appointments with me, and he hasn't been able to come to even one yet. It's just too tough to make it work with Maura. I miss that sense of newness and anticipation that came with being pregnant with your first, but I feel so much more confident as a parent now that I think the second baby will benefit greatly. And now we know what to anticipate with this pregnancy, delivery and the aftermath. There's a reasonable chance (25 - 40%) that this baby will also have IUGR, as Maura did. They are watching me closely, and if they see signs, they will take immediate action instead of having it go undetected for as long as it did with Maura. I'm also desperately hoping to avoid the post-partum depression, which totally wrecked me for a long time, so we've decided that come hell or high water (given I'll only have about 4 weeks of leave saved up), I'm taking a full, normal 12 weeks off of work for maternity leave, which is basically the whole summer. Going back at 6 weeks with Maura was not a good idea, and I think is primarily what contributed to the depression. I don't want to put myself through that torture again, but more importantly, I don't want to put Jay, Maura and this little one through it.
Overall, I'm happy to finally be feeling better (off to paint some trim!) and that this time around, we have a house of our own, a room for the baby that we can paint any color we want, a job that is stable and supportive and a healthy baby girl and a great husband. I have no doubt there will be some stumbling blocks and drama along the way this time, just like there was last time, but I just feel really lucky that I have the chance to even go through this again. Even if I'll miss the best seasons for good beer and Bailey's.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
halloweenie!
Things have been busily bustling along in the Smalley household. This is my busy season for work, so I've been heavily focused there, and Jay, Maura and Miss Etta have spent their days enjoying the fall weather and adjusting to Maura's ever-changing temperament and needs. She's almost always a happy, happy baby (honestly), and is still a great nighttime sleeper (12-13 hours). Naps are becoming iffy, food is becoming iffy, and depending on the day, she's content to play with her toys and watch cartoons and other days she wants to do nothing but pull all the books off the shelf and press all the buttons on the remote and cable box and climb all over the concrete hearth and stick her fingers in Etta's food bowl. Quite the little toddler...
Her sweetest new characteristic is that she's learned to hug. If you ask for one, she'll spread out her arms and put her head on your shoulder and squeeze. Then she peeks up at you for approval, knowing she's done something great, and does it again. She's also become obsessed with my hair. In just the past few days, she has gone from her usual squirmming out of my arms when I hold her to sticking her thumb in her mouth, laying her head on my shoulder and twirling my hair. No joke, she did this for a solid hour the other night. And I've been so tired lately, this is just bliss for me.
She's was adorable at Halloween. We dressed her up as a dragon although we knew we wouldn't be taking her out trick or treating. We have a ton of kids in the neighborhood so we new we'd see a lot of them, so we passed out candy for a while and then headed to an open house to show our little dragon off. It was big fun.
Just got back last night from MD for a quick trip for a friend's baby shower. It was Maura's third or fourth time on a plane but my first without Jay to help -- he stayed home. Bless the poor souls who sat next to us on the flights -- she did great all things considered, but was so squirmmy and fussy and just overall not happy to be confined to my lap for an hour at a stretch.
It's always tough to go back there because I never really get to spend as much time with everyone as I want, and there are so many more people I would love to see and catch up with. I always question who to call or email, who to let know I'm coming down. I don't want to offend anyone, but I also don't want to seem over-eager, as many of the people I'd like to see have all moved on in their own ways, as well. I try to find peace with the fact that memories are memories forever, sometimes whether you like it or not, and I'll always hold a place for so many people I may never see again, not for lack of want, but just because that's the way life goes. So much of my life was there, and although I feel so entrenched in my life in Boston, there is so much history in Maryland that I always get a little sad when I leave. It was hard to travel alone, but I feel like Maura and I had some good bonding time, just us girls. I love her so much. And I got to spend time with everyone in my immediate family, however short, which is always wonderful. I wish I had the time to spend a whole two weeks or so down there to fit everything in.
I'll leave you with a few pics from Halloween and the trip. The girl's waking up from her nap and I've got to run.
Her sweetest new characteristic is that she's learned to hug. If you ask for one, she'll spread out her arms and put her head on your shoulder and squeeze. Then she peeks up at you for approval, knowing she's done something great, and does it again. She's also become obsessed with my hair. In just the past few days, she has gone from her usual squirmming out of my arms when I hold her to sticking her thumb in her mouth, laying her head on my shoulder and twirling my hair. No joke, she did this for a solid hour the other night. And I've been so tired lately, this is just bliss for me.
She's was adorable at Halloween. We dressed her up as a dragon although we knew we wouldn't be taking her out trick or treating. We have a ton of kids in the neighborhood so we new we'd see a lot of them, so we passed out candy for a while and then headed to an open house to show our little dragon off. It was big fun.
Just got back last night from MD for a quick trip for a friend's baby shower. It was Maura's third or fourth time on a plane but my first without Jay to help -- he stayed home. Bless the poor souls who sat next to us on the flights -- she did great all things considered, but was so squirmmy and fussy and just overall not happy to be confined to my lap for an hour at a stretch.
It's always tough to go back there because I never really get to spend as much time with everyone as I want, and there are so many more people I would love to see and catch up with. I always question who to call or email, who to let know I'm coming down. I don't want to offend anyone, but I also don't want to seem over-eager, as many of the people I'd like to see have all moved on in their own ways, as well. I try to find peace with the fact that memories are memories forever, sometimes whether you like it or not, and I'll always hold a place for so many people I may never see again, not for lack of want, but just because that's the way life goes. So much of my life was there, and although I feel so entrenched in my life in Boston, there is so much history in Maryland that I always get a little sad when I leave. It was hard to travel alone, but I feel like Maura and I had some good bonding time, just us girls. I love her so much. And I got to spend time with everyone in my immediate family, however short, which is always wonderful. I wish I had the time to spend a whole two weeks or so down there to fit everything in.
I'll leave you with a few pics from Halloween and the trip. The girl's waking up from her nap and I've got to run.
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