a change of heart for the new year

When I first started this blog, it was a way to document my pregnancy with Maura and keep people in my life who didn't see us often up-to-date with what was happening. When she was born, I wanted to keep it up and open so that people could enjoy her and the wonderful lady she was becoming. It instead turned into a great vehicle for me to talk about my post-partum issues without fear of judgement or criticism, since I was basically writing into some vapid space. I got to write again, about things I cared about. But now, pregnant again, I'm having a change of heart.

I'm just not cut out for as much openness anymore. This time around, I'm more protective, more attuned to the need to have things of my own that only I think and feel and experience. I've always been an open person, because honestly, there's nothing new under the sun, and I've always felt like hearing the reality of other people's lives has helped me with my own. I am learning to take comfort in the fact that the people that I love know I love them, and that if anything were newsworthy in some way, I would tell them personally. And I've decided that much of my life, apart from the amazing goodness of things that happen with Maura and will happen with our next child, is not going to be shared in the same way. I see now the beauty of keeping between you and your spouse and the four walls you live in the things that are deepest in you.

Through silence and through comments, I've gotten a lot of support on here, and I appreciate that so much. It's been nice for me to imagine who might be on the other end of this, reading about me and us and putting us in their good thoughts, even if just for a moment. As I've said so many times, I'm such a lucky girl that I have this life.

I'm going to keep updating the blog weekly as I have (or as I've tried to) as a place to check-in about Maura and our son (yes! it's a boy!) and keep our family and friends up-to-date. I don't know why I feel the need to say anything more about why I won't be writing quite as personally, but I guess because I have gotten lots of great support I feel like it's the most gracious thing to do.

So, to you three readers, merry christmas and happy new year. See you on the flip side.