so.tired.

This will be a short post. I should put it in bullets. This is about all I can manage today.

It's not odd to be tired and pregnant, I just get more and more surprised day after day how this pregnancy has so many more exaggerated symptoms. All day today, and many days so far, I feel like I'm so short of breath that my heart is trying to will it self to pump harder and harder all the way up in my throat. And then I get even more short of breath, because my chest and throat feel so full. And the headaches are killer, and I never get headaches. Not complaining, more observing. It's all so fascinating to me, how aware of your body you become while you grow another. In your enormous belly.
So many things running through my brain these days, probably contributing to my tiredness. Always the struggle to decide if the best use of our money is for me to take off a full maternity leave. We spend so much money on so much shit we don't need and don't need to be doing, all in the name of making everyone else happy or getting a quick moment of damn, I deserve a treat and now I've got it and I feel...like shit. Not better. And time to heal and bond and frankly, get a fucking break from the work I've been doing non-stop since I was 15, should be worth it. But we could use the money to pay off bills, get our fence, fix the pipe, take a vacation. Yet all I really want, at the end of the day, is time to spend with my husband and my babies. Get my body back. Get my hair highlighted and spend a day cuddled on the beach under an umbrella with my baby. Yet it seems like a lot of time to take unpaid and is it a good use of tax money and blah, blah, blah. I'll figure it out.

I'm starting to get anxious (in a good way) for Christmas. Plus, Love Actually is On Demand from now until Christmas and I can watch it whenever I want and cry my eyes out like I usually do when I watch it. Best.Holiday.Movie.Ever.

Maura was excited, too, for a half second, when I pulled out the lights to attempt some kind of artistic photo for our Christmas cards (my other recent obsession). Then, she was out. As am I. I don't care if it's 7:30. I'm going to bed.