i've developed a literal pain in my ass

To be honest, it's really my only pregnancy discomfort so far--sciatica. It literally feels like a sharp pain right in the middle of the butt check that stabs every time I put my foot down. It's bothered me off and on for about two months now, but recently, after I decided it would be good to wear heels to a wedding and dance in them, it has really flared up. As far as I understand it, it happens because the girl is sitting on my sciatic nerve, and she may or may not move the rest of the pregnancy. Usually it gets worse as you get bigger. We've been really great lately about exercising and going to the gym and I don't want to have to sit that out so I'm trying to find ways to improvise. The elliptical trainer has no impact, so I can do that and feel fine, but then I'm hobbling around the rest of the time. Yet even when I rest it seems to do nothing and even gets a bit worse. I guess I'll just resign myself to assuming the pregnancy waddle a bit early. Although I feel like I get major looks with my occasional waddle, I've found people are very understanding of pregnant women in general and just smile and get out of my way.

This week has otherwise been great; as I mentioned, we went to a wedding on Sunday and had a blast. It's been beautiful weather here for a change and I always root for a good day particularly for April brides, since I remember all to clearly our potential wedding rain-out. Here's a picture of me and my handsome husband at the reception:
On other wedding notes, our first anniversary is Monday. I can't believe it's been a year. So much has happened!! It's been the biggest whirlwind year of the five we've been together and I wouldn't change a thing. Even when times seemed tough--my weird bacterial infection and 5 days in the hospital, our trouble initially getting pregnant, having to move unexpectedly--I don't think either of us lost sight of the fact we make a good team and are each other's best friend. I'm just so excited and happy about this newest adventure we're embarking on now and I'm exponentially more in love with my husband today than I was on my wedding day. I didn't even know that was possible.

As you'll see, I've really popped this week. I feel like I woke up last Friday bigger and rounder than even two days prior. Etta Roo decided she wanted to be in the picture, too

Our next doctor's appointment is May 2, but I realized with sadness that our April 1 ultrasound was probably our last look at the girl before she makes her grand entrance. As I understand it, unless there's an issue, they won't be ordering any more ultrasounds. I guess I'll just have to keep imagining her (and not as a teenager with booty shorts and big boobs, which is often the image I have in my head). I guess I still have fears about raising a girl . . .

Until next time, with love . . .

halfway there!

It's hard for me to believe, but I'm halfway through the pregnancy this week (all things considered, she may come earlier or later). I'm really starting to relax into and enjoy the pregnancy, especially since I'm much less tired than I had been. I still startle myself when I catch my reflection in a mirror unexpectedly. I'm that big?!?!? And I'm going to get bigger?!?!? Not necessarily in a "fat" big way, although I have those days, too, but more that its still hard to believe sometimes there's a little lady growing in there and that it all is happening snug inside my belly, which is no bigger than your average watermelon (OK, maybe a little bit bigger, but not much). I had a weird incident yesterday where I caught a glimpse of myself sitting down. Now, I'd always felt like when I was sitting that my belly just sort of disappeared under me and that it was hard then to tell I was pregnant. What a rude awakening when I looked to the side and saw that I was completely wrong! It's undeniable from all angles! I'm sure I've got plenty of ass spread, too, although I try not to think about it.

Here's the view:

On a very, very positive note, Jay and I have been meeting at the gym after work all this week, and will continue to do so. It works out well, we both arrive about the same time, and although I can only do about a half-hour on the elliptical and some light weights and stretching, it feels good to sweat. The weather is perking up here slightly, and I think that's energized us. That and the thought that in about four months we won't have the leisure of spending time like this again for a loooooooooong time.

A few people have mentioned that its a pain to leave comments because you have to sign in, so I've disabled that feature and you should be able to comment away without any hassles.

Hope everyone is well. Until next week . . .

19 week update

So here we are, recovering from the news that we're having a girl. I shouldn't say "recovering," which makes it seems like it was bad news -- which it's not at all. We love our girl more than anything in the world. But for some reason, I'm just very nervous about having a girl. I feel like I want her to stay in my belly for longer so I can protect her. As much as I'm fully comfortable with the idea that we're going to be good parents, I feel like these days girls are exposed and judged in different ways than even I was as a girl and that we won't be able to protect her for long. And my God, what if she's like me and hits puberty at age 9? Jay's decided already that we'll encourage her to play sports but NO CHEERLEADING--I can't bear the thought that she'll be out there being judged on her looks and how sexily she can hop around. And I want her to have good friends but not be too popular so she doesn't experience any more pressure than necessary. I know I have no say in these things, and that she's going to be who she wants to be and do what she wants to do and at the end of the day, all I care about is that she's content and has something to smile about as she goes to bed at night.

So once I come down from my nervous high, I just realize how much I love being pregnant and having her in my belly (my increasingly bigger, harder and hairier belly) and how much we can't wait to meet her.

But before she comes out, we've got to get a pretty room ready for her! Here's what we like for bedding:
And here's the crib we picked out:And here's the momma, who finally got contacts and looks like herself again (only very tired):

Everyone has been so sweet about us having a girl, as they are in short supply in both of our families. My mom and Keegan and my dad and Brie are all coming up to see us in the next month or so, which will be so much fun, and Jay's family and our friends have been so excited that it makes it hard to talk about anything else when we see them. All in all, this is a tremendously overwhelming and amazing time in our lives, and we try to take each moment as it comes and not wish it away for even a second, even when I wake up every morning with a stuffy nose and pee my pants a little every time I sneeze.

the smalley ladies

Here's the big one:

And more importantly, the little one:

it's a . . .

GIRL!!!

We just got back from our 18 week ultrasound and found out the good news. We're so excited! I was a bit shocked, having convinced myself it was a boy after first thinking it was a girl. I should have known my first instinct would be right. Jay was not shocked at all, given, as he says, "Well, there were really only two options."

She's developing right on schedule, and she's got all her limbs and appendages. I think she's quite cute already. It's remarkable how much she's developed since our last peek at her five weeks ago. Her arms and legs are all in normal proportion to the rest of her body now, and her body has caught up with her big head. The ultrasound tech was a bit stoic -- we had to ask if everything looked good, and when we said we wanted to know the gender she focused between her legs and calmly said, "See that area there? It's a girl." I guess we were expecting a bit more fanfare, like, "Oh, look! It's a GIRL!" But as we rationalized, they could care less about the gender, they just want to make sure the baby is healthy (as do we). So in the end, a most excellent visit all around.

We got lots of pictures and I'll post the best ones tomorrow. We just wanted to spread the good news as quick as we could!

Five more sleeps . . .

until we find out the gender! I'm so excited that I've been waking up at night and not able to fall back to sleep because I keep thinking about it. I know there are only two options, and that it's pretty much a 50/50 chance of one over the other, but it's just overwhelming at times to think that soon we will know one more thing about the baby we didn't know before. Of course, the larger point of next week's ultrasound is to confirm that everything is OK, anatomically speaking. All its fingers and toes, no cleft palate, brain and heart growing without issue, etc. I'm not worried in the least about those things. I just want to be able to see the baby again and give it a name.

This week has been great. Here's how the belly's doing! My hair wasn't did so I though it best to spare you from my face:

Saturday night we had out first date night since our honeymoon, going out to dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in the city to celebrate my birthday and enjoying every last bite of our butter-drenched $40 filets. We had gotten a very generous gift card to there from Bill and Joanne for Jay's 30th birthday last May and had yet to spend it, so it was a real treat. We kept looking at the menu saying, "Maybe we'll try that next time we come." But who are we kidding! There won't be a next time! Too much of a treat for our wallet to handle regularly, but it was so wonderful to get dressed up and be out.

We had a lovely Easter on Sunday with Jay's family, complete with very generous birthday gifts for me and an ice cream cake -- my favorite! By the end of the day my hands and feet were swollen from all the salty foods, but it was totally worth it.

Then on Tuesday, my birthday, these arrived to the office first thing in the morning:

I have the best husband in the world for many reasons, but sending me flowers just took the cake. And my favorite flowers, no less! The ones we had at our wedding! And, he had already gotten me the shoes I've been dying for for years and a new dress! He really has been a saint this entire pregnancy, making me dinner every night, getting up to get me things when he's all situated and comfy on the couch, rubbing my feet and my back when they get sore, asking me if I'm OK when I get up in the middle of the night to pee or blow my nose. He's going to be such a good dad, I just can't wait for the baby to be born to meet him.

Last night I got to go shopping and get some new maternity clothes with some of birthday gifts I got, and it was so nice to get a good bit of clothes that fit that will take me through the whole pregnancy. It's amazing what a difference it makes to me to be in clothes that fit properly, especially when you're pregnant. It makes you feel less like a blob and more like a person who still has a semi-regular body underneath all the belly. I know I'm only going to get bigger, so it's good to be armed with the right clothes now.

We'll update everyone on Tuesday when we get back from the doctor's. Cross your fingers that the bean will cooperate and not try to hide the goods from us. I can't imagine, give its parents, that it will be a shy baby, but we may have a rebel on our hands.

my first labor dream

So last night I had my first ever labor and delivery dream. It was weird and funny (at least to me and Jay) so I thought I'd share. I'm sure these types of dreams will become much more frequent very soon, and I promise I won't bore you with all of them, but this one I thought was classic:

So I'm in labor and it's not progressing and they tell me I have to have a c-section because my pelvic bones have not spread like they are supposed to so it's too tight for the baby to come out. I argue with them that my hips are plenty wide and they get exasperated and storm out. I'm writhing away in pain and they finally come back to wheel me to the operating room, obviously irritated with me. As they cut me open, they tell me that because I fought with them for so long about having the c-section, the baby had a bowel movement from the stress of the delivery and it got into its lungs (this can actually happen.) Therefore, I wouldn't be able to see the baby after it came out, it would have to be rushed to the NICU where it would stay for two months and we could come back tomorrow to see it.

So out comes the baby, and it's a girl. They stitch me up and I hop off the table in shock at how good I feel and how small the scar is. I show everyone around me how tiny and clean the scar is. They release me and tell me to come back tomorrow to see my baby girl.

So Jay and I go back the next day, and in the NICU are a bunch of cages lined up against a wall like at a pet store, and there on the bottom is our little girl. Except she's a labradoodle puppy. Spotted like a beagle but with curly hair. And the nurse tells us, "Well, because you were so selfish and didn't want the c-section, the baby has no ears. It has holes where the ears should be, but no outer lobe or anything." But we don't care, we talk to her and tell her we're her Mom and Dad and that we'll come back and visit her the next day.

So the next day I call work and tell them I had the baby but I'll be late today because we have to go see her in the NICU. We show up to the NICU and the nurses are all flustered, saying just wait until we see our baby, so many things have changed that we probably can take her home before two months. So we excitedly approach the cage and instead of our labradoodle baby girl, it's Owen Wilson (the actor), scrunched up in a ball in the cage saying "Mamma! Dadda!" The nurses open the crate and say, "Just watch! Just watch!" and Owen crawls out, jumps up, walks over to a toilet next to the cages, lifts up the seat, whips out his penis, and pees in the toilet. He's grinning ear to ear and we're all clapping and saying "Good boy!"

Then I wake up.

Care to interpret anyone? I can see a few clear translations:
1). I worry my childbearing-sized hips will fail me
2). I didn't think I was scared of a c-section but I guess I am
3). I feel guilty about being off work to have a baby
4). I'm nervous that if they tell me it's a girl on April 1 it will end up being a boy
5). I like the name Owen?