13 weeks or so

Happy second tri and Happy Thanksgiving!

It's been 10 days of almost non-stop appointments, for both me and for Maura. Last week I met with a perinatologist who will be following me with monthly ultrasounds for the remainder of the pregnancy to try to head off any complications related to IUGR. I learned a lot from her; namely, that there's not much you can do to reverse the IUGR once it's detected. Bed rest is shown to work only anecdotaly, and there are no medications you can give to "grow" a baby. If it happens, you almost always deliver early, and that's about the best they can do. She was concerned that I may have an underlying blood clotting disorder that may have caused the IUGR; I was tested and just today found out I don't have one, which is good news. However, that still leaves us back to square one with knowing what caused Maura's IUGR, and that knowledge would be useful in preventing it again, but I'm confident I'm in good hands and that things will work out. Antoher huge bonus is that I'll get 3D ultrasounds from now on, which is totally spooky and cool. Here's one from last week: it's kind of hard to tell, but this is a head-on shot of the baby with its hands covering its face. Can you tell?


We found out I'm measuring 4 or so days ahead (pretty significant in the prenatal world), which hopefully means the baby is thriving. They didn't adjust my due date, but may later. We get to find out the gender on December 23 -- what a great Christmas present. We may have to run out a get a little something for him or her to have for this "first" Christmas. I had another appointment today with my regular OB, and things are still looking good. Shockingly down another 3 lbs. (for a grand total of 8 lbs. down since I found out I was pregnant). Jay says it's because I'm not drinking (really, like I drank 8 lbs. worth of alcohol in the average 9 weeks? I don't think so.) I'm trying to be happy about it, as this may help prolong the stage of total bloat and ugliness that is sure to come in the next few months.

Maybe I spoke too soon -- here's a dreadful picture of me from last weekend, at 13 weeks (or almost 14). Either way, I look like a tank. I just spent two long days painting trim. Hey, at least I showered for ya.
I really, truly am bigger than I was with Maura at 20 or so weeks. Oh, well, at least at this stage I look visibly pregnant and not just fat, which was the case with Maura for a while.

She had her pedi appointment today, and at 15 months is 19.5 lbs and 29 inches, which is about the 8th percentile for weight and the 12th or so for height. She wasn't her usual charming self today, probably because she's getting so many vaccines and shots these past few times she's been there she knows what evil plans those people have in store for her. She's having some developmental delays with her gross motor skills, which we've known about and been working on for a while and anticipated since birth given her IUGR, and our pediatrician was great today giving us good advice and referrals and easing our minds a bit. She's still perfect to us and we don't want anyone to treat her differently, so we're trying to maintain a low-profile about it all.

She's still our happy girl.

Who gets into everything.

And is starting to get a bit of an attitude.

I'm trying to work on getting her out and about a bit more, into a playgroup or at least attending a library group of taking swimming lessons or something. The other downside to our current arrangement (although there are many pluses) is that by the time you factor in her two naps and Jay getting ready for work and meals and walking the dog, there's not a whole lot of chunks of time available to go anywhere besides a quick trip to the grocery store. But that means her only stimulation for the day comes from Jay and then me in the evenings, which isn't good. She's great with other babies and she needs friends and time to socialize. It will help her developmentally. Jay's not what one would call a joiner, but it's getting to the point where it has to be done. As much as we want her all to ourselves, and as easy as it is to just stay home, she's got to get out and about. It's well past time.

I hope everyone has a safe and relaxing day tomorrow. I'll check-in again next week.

we've got some news!

We're having another baby! We found out in September that baby number two will be here on or around May 30, Jay's birthday. To those that see me in real life, this is not news, because at five weeks pregnant (honestly, 7 days after I peed on the damn stick) this is what my belly looked like:

No lie. 5 weeks pregnant. Not that I was super flat in the tummy area after Maura was born, but a high round belly? It's like my body got a zap of the hormones and said, "Come on, let's make a giant mansion for the seedling to live in!" Since then, it's only gotten bigger. Honestly, here was me yesterday, at exactly 12 weeks:
For comparison, this was me at 19 weeks with Maura:
Two things I notice here: 1). Damn, I'm huge. 2). The long hair thing isn't working for me.

It's the same in some ways as it was with Maura: I haven't gained any weight. Actually lost a couple of pounds. OK, that's just one way. Everything else is different. It's so much harder the second time around. I was so nauseous for weeks and just beyond exhausted. I'd forgotten how that felt, although it was so much worse this time around. With the second one, you just have no time to relax. Tired when I get home from work? Too bad! Want to sleep in? Too bad! And the anxiety? Just as bad as the first time around. I had to tell work at about 10 weeks because it was getting impossible to hide, and part of me thought, "This is too soon." But I had no choice, really. And everything so far has been fine -- we've had two ultrasounds where the peach looks perfect, and we have our NT scan on Wednesday to test for Down's and other chromosomal abnormalities and I'm excited to see it again and feel that sense of relief that always comes with watching the squirming T-Rex on the screen.

Last time Jay got to come to all my appointments with me, and he hasn't been able to come to even one yet. It's just too tough to make it work with Maura. I miss that sense of newness and anticipation that came with being pregnant with your first, but I feel so much more confident as a parent now that I think the second baby will benefit greatly. And now we know what to anticipate with this pregnancy, delivery and the aftermath. There's a reasonable chance (25 - 40%) that this baby will also have IUGR, as Maura did. They are watching me closely, and if they see signs, they will take immediate action instead of having it go undetected for as long as it did with Maura. I'm also desperately hoping to avoid the post-partum depression, which totally wrecked me for a long time, so we've decided that come hell or high water (given I'll only have about 4 weeks of leave saved up), I'm taking a full, normal 12 weeks off of work for maternity leave, which is basically the whole summer. Going back at 6 weeks with Maura was not a good idea, and I think is primarily what contributed to the depression. I don't want to put myself through that torture again, but more importantly, I don't want to put Jay, Maura and this little one through it.

Overall, I'm happy to finally be feeling better (off to paint some trim!) and that this time around, we have a house of our own, a room for the baby that we can paint any color we want, a job that is stable and supportive and a healthy baby girl and a great husband. I have no doubt there will be some stumbling blocks and drama along the way this time, just like there was last time, but I just feel really lucky that I have the chance to even go through this again. Even if I'll miss the best seasons for good beer and Bailey's.

halloweenie!

Things have been busily bustling along in the Smalley household. This is my busy season for work, so I've been heavily focused there, and Jay, Maura and Miss Etta have spent their days enjoying the fall weather and adjusting to Maura's ever-changing temperament and needs. She's almost always a happy, happy baby (honestly), and is still a great nighttime sleeper (12-13 hours). Naps are becoming iffy, food is becoming iffy, and depending on the day, she's content to play with her toys and watch cartoons and other days she wants to do nothing but pull all the books off the shelf and press all the buttons on the remote and cable box and climb all over the concrete hearth and stick her fingers in Etta's food bowl. Quite the little toddler...

Her sweetest new characteristic is that she's learned to hug. If you ask for one, she'll spread out her arms and put her head on your shoulder and squeeze. Then she peeks up at you for approval, knowing she's done something great, and does it again. She's also become obsessed with my hair. In just the past few days, she has gone from her usual squirmming out of my arms when I hold her to sticking her thumb in her mouth, laying her head on my shoulder and twirling my hair. No joke, she did this for a solid hour the other night. And I've been so tired lately, this is just bliss for me.

She's was adorable at Halloween. We dressed her up as a dragon although we knew we wouldn't be taking her out trick or treating. We have a ton of kids in the neighborhood so we new we'd see a lot of them, so we passed out candy for a while and then headed to an open house to show our little dragon off. It was big fun.

Just got back last night from MD for a quick trip for a friend's baby shower. It was Maura's third or fourth time on a plane but my first without Jay to help -- he stayed home. Bless the poor souls who sat next to us on the flights -- she did great all things considered, but was so squirmmy and fussy and just overall not happy to be confined to my lap for an hour at a stretch.

It's always tough to go back there because I never really get to spend as much time with everyone as I want, and there are so many more people I would love to see and catch up with. I always question who to call or email, who to let know I'm coming down. I don't want to offend anyone, but I also don't want to seem over-eager, as many of the people I'd like to see have all moved on in their own ways, as well. I try to find peace with the fact that memories are memories forever, sometimes whether you like it or not, and I'll always hold a place for so many people I may never see again, not for lack of want, but just because that's the way life goes. So much of my life was there, and although I feel so entrenched in my life in Boston, there is so much history in Maryland that I always get a little sad when I leave. It was hard to travel alone, but I feel like Maura and I had some good bonding time, just us girls. I love her so much. And I got to spend time with everyone in my immediate family, however short, which is always wonderful. I wish I had the time to spend a whole two weeks or so down there to fit everything in.

I'll leave you with a few pics from Halloween and the trip. The girl's waking up from her nap and I've got to run.