some news

So we got some news on Thursday at the ultrasound that is not the best news, but not the worst news, either. For a reason yet (and maybe forever) unknown, the baby is not thriving in my uterus. At 37 week/1 day gestation, she is only 5 lbs. 3 oz., which is about the size of a 34 week old baby. Somewhere in the past three weeks she has stopped growing. While everything in the ultrasound showed that she looks healthy otherwise (has all her fingers and toes, has enough amniotic fluid available to her), she is not doing well in there and I will be induced sometime before 39 weeks (August 27) so she can come on out and get the help she needs to thrive.

While there can be a few concrete causes of this (high blood pressure, drug abuse, smoking), I have none of these risk factors. And while we have been under tremendous stress lately with our living situation, stress did not cause this, although it can make the situation worse. For that reason, I was put on bed rest, effectively immediately. I can drive to my doctor's appointments (and I now have one every day next week) but can't go anywhere else. And when I'm home, I need to be a "couch potato," as the doctor says.

It's been difficult to process this, as we have so much else going on right now. Jay and I didn't even have a chance to talk about it all face-to-face until he got home from work on Friday night at midnight. We've had lots of love and support from family and friends, and we're dealing with it as best we know how. We're finding it best for us to spend as much time left as we have before the baby comes with each other, and be calm and quiet and think through everything and talk about our concerns and just be with ourselves in these last few days before our lives will forever change. I know I've said this before many times, but Jay and I are a good team, and we're going to be alright, no matter what, because we have each other.

Despite this news, this still remains a very exciting time for us. We are daydreaming about our days as a new family, feeling more confident than ever that we can handle anything. Her nursery is set up with all her beautiful things, waiting for her to come home. Our bags are packed and we've got a cute outfit picked for her to come home in.

And while the birth experience will likely be different than we imagined, it will still be ours to share in our own way with our little girl. As I said, if I do not go into labor between now and the 27th, I will be induced, which can be up to a 3 day process because they have to proceed slowly because of her size. If there is any sign of fetal distress, I will have a c-section immediately. We will find out on Wednesday at the next high-level ultrasound how the cord and placenta are holding up and how she is doing. That will be the determining test that will dictate when I am induced. If she is still not thriving, I will likely be given 24 hours notice before the induction, unless they think there is a great risk and we will proceed immediately. If she looks like she's growing slightly, they will schedule the induction for no more than 7 days from that point.

As I'm already full term (which is defined as 37 weeks), her lungs are anatomically developed but she may need some assistance with oxygen when she's born. "Premature" is defined as 5 lbs. and under, so unless she drops weight (which is possible during an induction), she will not be considered premature. And while we plan to deliver at our normal hospital, we may deliver elsewhere if the doctors think we need to be at a more major medical center.

There are a lot of factors to consider, and many scenarios to play out. We are still working things out in our own heads, but are confident that things will be just fine and that there are far more dire situations in which babies enter the world and thrive.

I'll try to keep this updated as the week wears on. Lots of love to everyone.

it's official

We're in (almost).

The moving process will happen over the course of a few days, but as far as I'm concerned, we're in! No more going back to our old place for me, if I can help it.

I've included some pictures of it without all of our stuff in it. It's nicer, bigger and cleaner than I imagined. Now all it needs is a little baby girl in one of the rooms and we'll be all set!

I'm officially full term this week, which is very exciting. Three weeks to go until my due date! I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow to check the fetal weight and positioning, as they think she's still transverse breech. And with the stress of the past few weeks I haven't been gaining weight (in fact I've lost a few pounds), so they want to check on her size. She should be about 6 to 6 1/2 lbs. now, and I think she'll be 7 1/2 lbs. when she's born, which means she'd need to cook for another two weeks at least. Fine by me! Although I feel ginormous, and look it, too, I don't think she's going to be a 9 lb.+ baby. I still haven't hit a 20 lb. weight gain, and according to the doctors there's a good 10 - 15 lbs. of "other" stuff (fluid, extra blood volume, placenta, etc.) gained with pregnancy, so while it's possible she'll be 9 lbs., it's highly unlikely. Famous last words, right?

If I get any good ultrasound pics tomorrow, I'll post those, too. For now, here's our empty (but BIG, BEAUTIFUL and CLEAN) new home:

on the move

Well, it has been a tumultuous week, to say the least. I won't bore everyone with the long and dramatic details but the short version comes down to this: we're moving. Next week. Yes, I know I'm 9 months pregnant. Yes, I know we just moved in March. Trust me when I say this was not in the cards even two weeks ago.

Our current apartment situation went from bad to worse last week, with threats of eviction, STILL no clean up of the basement, only recently restored hot water, no furnace, conversations with lawyers and the health department and finally, a decision that for our health, safety and peace of mind, we needed to get the hell out of there as fast as we could.

Those that know me well may not find this surprising, as I am usually the first to jump ship at the sign of trouble. Jay is much more rooted. However, it came down to what our life would be like continuing to live in an apartment below a landlord who didn't give a rat's ass about keeping the house livable, and who confessed to not having the money to do even the smallest of repairs, which spelled big danger for ever getting the furnace fixed in time for the New England winters (which can often start with needing heat at night as early as September). If it was just Jay and I, we could have survived. But not with the baby. The health department, housing department, the lawyer, my doctor -- everyone said, if you can move now, do it.

So we are. We found a great place in a managed apartment complex just down the street. It's a two bedroom, clean, nice regular old apartment, with more amenities than we have now (yeah dishwasher!) and our favorite part, a 24 hour maintenance crew. We have vowed not to move again for at least 3 years, and never again to deal with a landlord. The stress has been unbelievable, and although we've made the best of it and it will all work out in the end, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

We have been so blessed to have such wonderful and supportive friends and families who have helped us through this. We've cried (well, mainly me), panicked, paced, cried more, stayed awake in the middle of the night, been unable to eat, and through it all, have always been able to count on people to help support us and offer their love, time, money, and packing skills if it meant we could make it though this as unscathed as possible. Everyone's really worried about me and the baby, and I must say that between my amazing husband, who has handled the brunt of this disaster, and our friends and families, I just know this is all for the best and that we will be just fine in the end. So thank you, from the bottoms of our hearts.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that the baby doesn't decide to come between now and next week. It's unlikely she will, but just say a little wish to the universe for us!

I don't want to post our new address on the internet, but will send a separate email soon.